


Stay

by keplcrs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Pining, Pursuing dreams, akaashi does filming, bokuto works in tourism, kind of college au, konoha and oikawa are just mentioned too i think, there are other characters mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 20:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6535045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keplcrs/pseuds/keplcrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is my dream!!”<br/>“That’s what you said when you left me the first time.”</p>
<p>In which Akaashi pursues his passions and Bokuto decides that he hates airports.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

**_i._ **

**** “Keiji.”

    “No, Bokuto-san–”

    “Stop it with the formalities, Keiji, we’re past that! Please. Please, stay.”

    “I can’t. I can’t stay, Bo- Koutarou.” 

    “Yes, you can, please–”

    “I’m sorry.”

    “ _ I love you. _ ”

 

    He still wakes up with tears already drying on his cheeks, terror filling his veins. 

    “Akaashi…” he whispers, the name falling off his lips with a bitter smile. 

  
  
  


    They had it good. Really good, in his opinion. Bokuto in his final year of university for a degree in tourism; Akaashi only a year behind and well on his way to a degree in photography.  _ So why? _ He thinks to himself, a forgotten cup of coffee in front of him as he procrastinates on his various assignments- some overdue- in favor of wallowing as he watches the airplanes take off. 

 

_     “Koutarou…” _

_     “Hm? Gimme a sec, Keiji! I’ll be right there…” _

_     “I’m going abroad.” _

_     “Yeah, cool– wait–” _

_     “Before you say anything, let me explain…” _

 

    There’s an uncomfortable feeling that has settled in the pit of his stomach, growing with each passing day. Who would’ve thought– the enigmatic Bokuto Koutarou, emotional and prone to mood swings, would be found in a quiet café with a blank face and a numb heart. 

 

_     “It’s photography, Keiji-” _

_     “Yes, and it’s my dream! Why can’t you understand?” _

_     “I do understand! I just… I just don’t get why you have to leave. You’re going so far...” _

_     “It’s better that way, Koutarou. I promise.” _

_     “Is it, though? Is it really better?”  _

 

    It’s late when he makes up his mind. It’s late and the café is closing and Bokuto makes up his mind. He’s flying to America. He’s going to follow Akaashi and he’s going to make things right again. It’s late, far too late, when Bokuto realizes what he’s giving up. 

 

* * *

 

**_ii._ **

 

_     “I love you!!” _

_     “I love you too, Koutarou…” _

_     “Go to sleep, Keiji.” _

_     “M’fine, Kou…” _

_     “Hey hey hey, I’m here now so you can go to sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up, okay?” _

_     “Mhm…” _

 

    They have it good. Bokuto is happy, they’re together, and Akaashi is pursuing his dreams, working under some well-known director as a skilled cinematographer. That’s all that matters, isn’t it? The two of them are happy and in love, and it’s almost too good to be true. 

 

_     “Keiji, I got a surprise for you!~” _

_     “You didn’t have to– oh my god, Koutarou-” _

_     “It’s okay, I wanted to get it for you! See, I got one too– they’re promise rings. It’s my promise to you. I’ll support you, and your dreams.” _

_     “Koutarou…” _

_     “I love you!” _

 

    Bokuto is used to America now. More so than Akaashi, even– though it may have been due to his tourism background. He loves it here, actually. He loves the way Akaashi looks at the new scenery and turns it into a masterpiece. He loves watching the younger male’s face light up when Bokuto invites him out for a quick lunch at his new favorite food chain in between work shifts. He loves exploring the city, hand in hand with Akaashi. Okay, so maybe it’s not the country that he loves. It’s Akaashi, making the world so much better and so much brighter. 

Until it suddenly goes dark. 

 

* * *

 

**_iii._ **

 

_     “Koutarou.” _

_     “Why?” _

_     “Kou-” _

_     “I said WHY? I followed you here and now you’re leaving again?” _

_     “Terushima wants me to go with him– the money is good and I’ll be back, I promise!” _

_     “Oh. Of course. Terushima wants you. Terushima is so amazing. Terushima this, Terushima that.” _

_     “Koutarou, it’s not like that.” _

_ … _

_     “You don’t get it, do you?” _

_ … _

_     “He’s doing it because he loves you.” _

_     “Are you saying I’m not good enough?” _

_ …  _

_     “Koutarou, where are you going-!?” _

 

    Déjà vu. Overwhelming, dizzying déjà vu. Again, Akaashi was leaving. Again. He was pursuing his dreams. He was leaving Bokuto. He was leaving everything behind to further his career, for the second time. And, once again, he was shattering Bokuto’s heart, plunging him into darkness and killing his light. 

 

_     “I have to go, Koutarou.” _

_     “No, you don’t! Terushima doesn’t have to take you! Can’t he bring Enno? Or- or Moniwa? Yahaba?” _

_     “This is my dream!!” _

_     “That’s what you said when you left me the first time.” _

 

    They’re falling apart. Piece by piece, they break, until all that remains is a shell of what they once had. What happened to their happiness? It was gone, disappearing in the flash of Akaashi’s old digital camera as he takes a final photo of them together before handing the device to Bokuto with a sad smile, their promise ring attached to the strap. 

 

_     “Keiji, what happened to our plans? Our dreams for each other?” _

_     “Koutarou, this is my dream. Terushima has already organized everything and- and we leave tomorrow.” _

_     “So that’s it then?” _

_     “There’s Skype, Koutarou. And I’ll come back for a couple holidays to spend time with you, I promise-” _

_     “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Akaashi.” _

 

* * *

 

**_iv._ **

 

_     “Sorry, Koutarou- the filming went longer than I expected-” _

_     “Three hours.” _

_     “What?” _

_     “I’ve been calling you. For three hours. Three hours, Keiji!! You didn’t pick up, didn’t answer. Nothing!” _

_     “I’m sorry, okay? I told you, Terush-” _

_     “Of course. Of course, Terushima wanted you to stay. Terushima.” _

_     “Koutarou.” _

_     “He loves you, Keiji! Why else would he-” _

_     “We’ve been through this! I feel nothing for him! I love you, Koutarou– not Terushima.” _

_     “People change.” _

_     “So you doubt me.” _

_     “Not necessarily, but-” _

_     “You don’t trust me. That I love you.” _

_     “I know you love me. For now.” _

_     “Koutarou, please.” _

 

    They drift. Skype calls are a rare occasion between their jobs and commitments. Akaashi travels more and more, while Bokuto takes a flight back home and decides that he despises airports. He finds himself a job, goes back to school, ends up drowning his sorrows by surrounding himself with others– old teammates, his new roommate Kuroo, and an astrophysics major with the biggest ego Bokuto has ever encountered. He still talks to Akaashi, but the calls are always cut short, ended with a bitter goodbye and tears on Bokuto’s keyboard. 

 

_     “Guess what?!” _

_     “Yeah?” _

_     “Keiji, I got another degree! I actually finished the courses this time!” _

_     “That’s great.” _

_     “And guess what it’s in?!” _

_     “Good to hear, Koutarou.” _

_     “Keiji.” _

_     “Nice, nice…” _

_ [call ended] _

 

    When Akaashi comes to visit his family at Christmas, Bokuto doesn’t pick him up from the airport. They meet on the street as Bokuto and Kuroo are moving their stuff into a crappy, rented apartment, and for a day, they’re back to being what they once were. Later on, Bokuto heard Kuroo telling Konoha how he’d never seen the owlish male so happy before. Konoha replied with a quiet recount of what Bokuto and Akaashi had been like in high school. And the memories came rushing back in a flood of nostalgia.

 

* * *

 

**_v._ **

 

_     “Your contract is over now, right? You can stay here with us?” _

_     “About that…” _

_     “You can get to know Kuroo– he’s great, I’m sure you’d like him, he’s a human cat, I swear– and Oikawa! He majors in astrophysics- you liked space too, right? His boyfriend is pretty cool too- a bit violent if you ask me, but he majors in biomed and keeps Oikawa under control. Oh, and Konoha and Komi ended up at the same college as I did! We can do a team reunion and-” _

_     “My contract extended, I’m flying to Italy tonight to meet Terushima.” _

_     “What?” _

_ … _

_     “I’m sorry. I can’t do it anymore.” _

_     “Koutarou, what are you trying to say?” _

_     “Five years, Akaashi. Five years long-distance. I can’t take it.” _

_     “What are you doing, Kou- are y–” _

_     “I’m sorry.” _

 

    It’s several weeks before he leaves the apartment. Everyone is concerned about him but he could care less. Akaashi doesn’t call anymore. Bokuto barely touches his laptop, and it stays on his desk, collecting dust in his bedroom. Konoha insists that he try to fix things with Akaashi, but he refuses, his eyes watering at the mere mention of the other. 

 

_ Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san, I’m going to be back for a week in June.  _

_ … _

_ Akaashi Keiji: [message has been deleted]  _

 

* * *

 

**_vi._ **

 

    He refuses to watch Akaashi’s movies after the first time _.  _ Dragged to the theatre by Kuroo and Oikawa, he manages to sit through the film– enjoying it, even. Noticing, of course, from his years with the former setter, the amazing cinematography, which is almost enough to send him spiraling into one of his crap moods as he’s reminded of Akaashi, how much Akaashi would like it, what Akaashi would have said about it. He can barely hold himself together. Until, of course, the credits, when he sees the bright, bold letters.  **Keiji Akaashi.**

    Then he breaks down in the middle of the theatre. 

 

_ Bokuto Koutarou: [message has been deleted] _

 

* * *

 

**_vii._ **

 

    It’s years before they see each other again. Bokuto and Kuroo are together, finally, after weeks of prompting on Oikawa’s part, and the raven-haired male does his best to console the other at the sight of Akaashi and Terushima, hand in hand, in town to accept some award that Bokuto didn’t give a fuck about anymore. The younger male’s eyes go wide, a hurricane of emotion flicking between them in a single moment. Love, hope, nostalgia, resentment, bitterness, hate. A spark of something, some distant, far-off emotion that was reminiscent of the bond that they used to share. A flash of the heartbreak that seemed to follow them at every turn. A single, choked sob, swallowed by the hurt and pain the seeped from the crumpled pages of their story.

    It ends as quickly as it began. Akaashi is pulled along by Terushima, and Bokuto turns his attention back to his worried boyfriend, both of them ignoring the prickling behind their eyes. Everything that they had left to say had been said. It was the end of their chapter. The end of what they had been and what they could have become. It was the end of  _ them _ . For good.

**Author's Note:**

> sort of inspired by 'on the wings of love' because im an otwolista with need for hurting my favorite characters..  
> my tumblr is burnt-quesadilla feel free to come yell at me for this angst or talk to me about haikyuu or anything else, really.


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